The Patience Muscle:

Slowing Down to Move Forward in Horsemanship

Horsemanship is about teaching a horse something it wouldn’t do by instinct. It’s something the horse can handle—physically and mentally—but it’s not a natural behavior. The most valuable “tool” a horseman should have is patience. And yet, in many cases, patience is the last thing we have in our inner toolbox.It needs to be okay for us to repeat a certain request ten times in a row… then fifty more times… and if that’s still not enough—another hundred. I know you know exactly what I’m talking about. But I also know you’re probably losing your patience faster than you should. Why? Because you’re human. And in the human world, everything feels urgent.

Slow Time Down

Horsemanship is about speaking to the horse—and listening. It’s about slowing time down… even while you're heading toward the horse show. Some people need the pressure of the game in order to become better horsemen. Others need ease and internal balance to communicate optimally with their horse. There is no “copy-paste” in the world of horsemanship. You’ll never be able to do the exact cue or make the exact move as the person you’re trying to imitate—even if it’s the same horse. What you can offer is your most honest form—that mental space where you feel nothing but the horse, and think nothing but the horse. You disconnect from the context and just be there.

Freedom Mentality

The way to reach that highest level of horsemanship is through what I call freedom mentality. Freedom mentality is when a person is true to themselves—happy with the life they’re living, and at the same time brave enough to chase goals that feel big, distant, and challenging. But that chase isn’t there to change the person’s life—it’s there to deepen their growth. It’s about learning something new every day, constantly adapting, and readjusting to new realities as they come.

In this case, I’ve learned that learning—both for the rider and the horse—is all about patience. The horse needs patience to learn something new. The rider needs patience to teach something new. Freedom mentality sets you free from the chase. It shifts your focus to the happening.

As my father always tells me:

“In life, I’m always running behind. But in a magical way, things happen just in time.”

That, to me, is freedom mentality.

Exercises

1. The “Stand Still Challenge”

This is a great way to train both yourself and your horse to be patient.

Every time you mount your horse, take three full minutes to simply stand still before taking the first step forward. In those three minutes, there is no mission. No task. Just observe—your horse and yourself. Your insights don’t have to matter to me, but I promise you—they’ll matter to you.

I call it a challenge because in the beginning, most people enjoy it. But at some point, most forget about it or skip it—because they lose their patience.

The key to this drill is its longevity.

 It needs to become part of your routine, part of your daily training—your practice of slowing time down.

2. The “1,000 Times Rule”

This one’s about teaching your horse something new. It’s a question you ask yourself:

“Am I willing to repeat this drill 1,000 times until my horse gets it?”

If the answer is yes, it means you have the patience to teach your horse at the pace it can learn. And the truth is—your horse might get it after 50 tries… or 15… not 1,000. But sometimes, it will take all 1,000. If your answer is no, you’ll likely find yourself constantly trying new methods and different approaches.

And that, in most cases, leads to a poorer result and still ends up taking you 1,000 repetitions—just in a more frustrating way.

Keep Showing Up

If there’s one thing to remember from all this—it’s that horsemanship is a long game.It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being present. One simple goal—keep showing up.To train the mind to support the kind of horsemanship we’re all reaching for.

A strong mind builds a strong rider—one ride at a time.

If this speaks to you and you’re ready to go deeper, you’re welcome to join the Practice Ugly Riders Learning Community—a place to build mental strength, consistency, and a mindset that matches the horsemanship you’re after.